i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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