I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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