RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
