sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
