I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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