I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
