I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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