why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
