I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize