One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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