You really coming over, don't trick.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
