I looked at my own cervix.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
