me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
