It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
