He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
