I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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