If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i need some magic done to my vagina
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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