fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
