We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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