We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
