how can u be prego again
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
