just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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