You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
