found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
