he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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