The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
