the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
