Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
