I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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