i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
