well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
