Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
