I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
