He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
