i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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