Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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