two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
