I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This is my gift to your gina
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
