Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
