Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
