I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
