Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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