Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
