Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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