apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
