There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
