i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
