Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
