Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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