Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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