yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
