I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
