I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
