this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
