i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
