the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
