And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
